I do a lot of match-making and horoscope compatibility consultations and all I see is so much confusion and lack of clarity in the present generation in terms of choosing a life partner. Most of the people don’t even know what they want and they keep looking at all the superficial qualities which have no meaning in terms of choosing a compatible and good life partner, so these 9 tips to choose the right life partner are designed to give some clarity on how to choose a life partner and what qualities should one ideally look for in a life partner.
Life is a big roller coaster ride and having the right person by your side in testing times is very important and necessary. But remember, the same is applicable for the other person. Irrespective of the gender both men and women need someone who can walk with them through all the vicissitudes of life. Having the right life partner is the only single most huge asset one ever needs in life. But today’s generation is too much focused on the superficial aspects in selection of life partner.
The matrimonial websites have become fish markets where everyone wants to catch a big fish irrespective of their own capacity, standards and status and this has only added to more confusion and brain washing of people. The dating sites have only added more chaos and confusions though they might be helpful to a few handful of people.
The first and the foremost advise before searching for the perfect partner is to identify yourself, what kind of person you are, what is your negative aspect, your short comings, your strengths etc. Before being aware about your own self it is impossible to know what you need in the other person.
Ashish Desai.
9 tips to choose the right life partner
- Identify your temperament, your habits, your personality first. what are the things which can irritate you, frustrate you, disappoint you. They can be anything right from certain habits to certain traits, certain chores, certain things you are allergic too, or something you cannot stand-by, certain phobias you have. These should be noted first and should be talked out during conversation with prospective matches. Because these small things have been found out to cause big problems later especially with the today’s generation. They have become the reason for divorces, they could be silly and stupid things at times.
(Pre-Marriage counseling can be a great help to many of you, so do not hesitate to go for it if you want to seek clarity about what you should expect from marriage and life partner.) - Identify his temperament, his habits, his personality – Follow the same step as above in case of your prospective match to see whether you are comfortable with his temperament, habits and his personality and vice-versa. Temperament and certain habits/traits/phobias/allergies seldom change, so it is very important to identify these things and talk about these things openly to know the level of effort/adjustment a relationship can require or whether you can be comfortable with the overall mental/physical and psychological make up of your prospective match. Anything, a habit, a routine, an allergy, a phobia which is a turn off for either of you should be openly discussed beforehand if this trait cannot be compromised in any case. E.G Some people have the habit of sleeping on a clean pressed bedsheet, they cannot tolerate if it is wrinkled. It can be a big turnoff. This may seem to be a small thing but for some people it is a huge turn off and can lead to big fights/strain in relationships. So identify these things about both partners and discuss openly the level of adjustment you are willing to make in such scenarios.
- Ease of connection and communication – Look for someone with whom you can connect easily and effortlessly, make sure it is not superficial. If you can talk with each other effortlessly without judging or being judged, if you can speak out your inhibitions without being mocked. If the partner is easy with some of your short comings and avoids judging you, and lets you be yourself without bothering much about what others will say. He can be the right person, this quality should be reciprocated. One should not be self-centered here as marriage is about life of both together. Both wheels should be able to roll on effortlessly for the vehicle of marriage to ride smoothly. You may need to meet the prospective matches more than twice/thrice or even many times. Take the pain, take the effort as its worth it.
- Identify common traits/interests – Both partners should share some common interest if you intend to spend a lifetime together. I do not mean to say that everything should be same as it will very rarely happen but even if 5 out of 10 things are commonly shared it can be great. Few interest which are different can be someone which could excite you to have in your partner and something you may feel happy about to experience/learn/try together. Prioritize the interest/traits as per the level of their importance for you. Suppose two people love to explore places or travel frequently it can be great for both of them to do it together, but if in this case only one person travels frequently and other does not show interest or even creates problems in travelling of the other prospective partner then this can become a reason for friction in their relationship. But if one loves reading and other does not love reading the relationship can still work fine, the other person need not develop love for reading as both are different individuals and reading does not come in between their relationship. There should be a clear understanding about which traits/habits should be given importance as common traits/habits and which can be livable without affecting the relationship if it is not a common trait between both.
- Family backgrounds/Standards/Status – This is a very important factor in working of relationships not only between couples but their families as well, because if there are problems with families then it will definitely affect the relationship at some point of time. The family backgrounds/standard of living and financial/educational status of both families should be identical. Some difference is acceptable but it should not be off the mark completely. When a girl from highly rich family marries someone from a totally poor family the relationship stands a very good chance of becoming a strained relationship because sooner or later the differences will crop in and lead to friction.
- Respect each other – Every person wants respect. Your partner should be someone who is able to respect you, your goals, your ambitions and your choices irrespective of how different they may be from their own’s. You should be able to respect each other on personal level and treat each other with equality and contribute towards each other’s progress and well-being. If there is no respect for each other the relationship is going to crumble sooner or later.
- Trustworthy/Loyal – Trust and loyalty is a very important trait in any relationship. If you or your partner are not loyal to each other and if you cannot trust your partner and vice-versa the relationship is not worth it. Make sure that you choose someone whom you can trust completely with your life. If the prospective partner is someone who shows signs of straying away or does not take you in trust about something he is doing then he could not be the right match for you.
- Give space to each other and treat with equality – By equality what I mean here is both of you should be able to treat each other equally in terms of doing things together in contributing for the well-being of both. Should treat your life partner as equal irrespective of his/her work, earning, intellect, physical attributes. If both are earning both should be able to save and earn for their own self interests as well as for the family together else it creates problems, one person alone should not feel burdened. Both should be able to give enough space to each other in terms of their personal interest and personal development. Both should be considerate enough with respect to each other. It is not necessary to do everything together, sometimes people want to be in their own space and your partner should be able to respect that and not feel bad about it and vice-versa.
- Family bonding and acceptance – Your partner should accept your family the way they are and your family should also be able to connect with your life partner and treat him with love, affection and respect. Same applies to the family of your partner. It is very important for girl to make sure that the family she is going into likes her, accepts her and will treat her well and she should also treat the family well considering them her own. She should be able to consider this family her own and treat them accordingly. If any red flags are observed here do not hesitate to back out for your own good.
Some people always try to find attraction or love at first sight kind of thing when they meet someone, but these things are secondary and attraction fades over time when you come into the practical world of marriage/married life. In my humble opinion, one should see how easily and smoothly you can connect with each other in terms of mental, intellectual and psychological levels.
The only things that keeps the relationship rock solid and successful are strong emotional bonding between both, mutual feeling of respect and responsibility towards each other and the family, feeling of trust and loyalty, ease of communication and respecting each other’s individuality. Life is not a story like it gets depicted in bollywood movies, practically life is very much different from what is shown in these movies.
The horoscope compatibility part covers pretty much everything here and can go even deeper into many aspects of life if used appropriately and correctly. This should be used as a tool for selection of the right partner not on the basis of “Gun Milan” but on the basis of analysis of the horoscope of the partner with respect to promise of health, longevity, promise of marriage and married life, children/progeny and overall financial aspects. These points are understood only after a detailed study of both horoscopes and gun-milan or porutham matching cannot reveal anything about these aspects which is why it is not a true and complete compatibility system.
If you like a certain prospect after meeting and contemplate on taking it forward then you can consult an astrologer to know about certain things which can be known through the study of the horoscope like health, longevity, promise of marriage/married life, promise of children, anything superficial which you could not recognize while meeting/talking the prospective match. Gun-milan or porutham matching is not the right way of matching horoscopes but it is rather an incomplete way of matching horoscopes which is why marriages fail even after doing poruthams matching.
I hope these 9 tips to choose the right life partner will give some clarity to the readers about what you should look for while selecting a life partner. Do not hesitate to go for pre-marriage counseling or take astrological help if you are confused about what to expect from marriage/married life and life partner. Astrology can help you to get much deeper insights into compatibility if used properly.